


Tumblr Requests: Marvel Universes

by zarabithia



Category: Avengers (Comics), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), Young Avengers
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Old West, Alternate Universe - Prison, Bondage, Domesticity, F/M, Femslash February, Gen, Handcuffs, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, forced to share a bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 12,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarabithia/pseuds/zarabithia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Marvel ficlets written for requests on tumblr.</p><p>Update: </p><p>Ch. 36-38: The Marvel Universe does domesticity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Femslash February: Betty Ross/Sif (MCU/616 Fusion)

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Драбблы zarabithia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3141404) by [Helga Winter (hwinter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwinter/pseuds/Helga%20Winter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty and Sif are among the founding Avengers.

The name of the team is ridiculous in Sif’s eyes. “The Avengers” do no real Avenging that she can see, at least not the way they would have defined the word on Asgard.

Yet, Sif finds herself being a “founding” member, and she wonders if it displays the arrogance of Thor himself to think that it’s fortunate that they have her.

The four other members consists of a grieving widow and her fashion designer lover and a woman who holds impressive armor but very little actual warrior experience. Somehow they manage to pull together when the circumstances require it, but their lack of discipline makes Sif ache for the companionship of her Warriors back home.

But there is one who is warrior material. This one is as soft around the edges as Potts is on some days, but on others, she can take any punch Sif can dish out.

Their sparring frustrates the others, because it is loud enough to rouse them from their sleeping and destructive enough to be expensive.

“On Asgard, I never had to worry about breaking Odin’s toys,” she tells Potts when the Woman of Iron complains. “He simply replaced them.”

Potts does not understand. Because Potts and the others do not understand truly what it means to Avenge. They can’t, because every day one of them asks her why she is here, when she misses Asgard so much.

They do not understand her answer. “What for? To learn to be a warrior. To fight to win.” They do not understand that is _everything._

But her sparring partner does.

And later, when that unbreakable skin has pushed them both to their breaking points, those strong arms never dare turn gentle as they retire to their bed chambers.

Betty knows she will not break, and Sif finds release in knowing that she is with the one woman on this planet who can return the favor.


	2. Femslash February:  Wanda Maximoff/Bobbi Morse (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeping with Clint's exes is not the worst habit Bobbi could have.

Bobbi wonders if this is going to become a _thing_ for her. Part of her hopes not, because “sleeping with my ex-husband’s exes” sounds pathetic and desperate in her head.

But, she reasons, Wanda doesn’t even count as an ex. Not the way that Natasha had. Not the way that Jessica had.

But Bobbi knows that Clint had wanted Wanda, and Bobbi knows how much. A tiny part of her used to resent that, once. An even tinier part used to wonder what it was, exactly, that made this one so special that Clint could never get over her.

As Bobbi lies between Wanda and her red sheets, she watches Wanda tremble with need and fall apart with pleasure and Bobbi thinks that maybe she’s beginning to understand. Wanda is powerful, there’s no doubting that - she’s destroyed an entire reality and killed their teammates with that power.

(They tell Bobbi that it hadn’t been Wanda doing that. That it had been some force _violating_ her and Bobbi doesn’t know how to feel about that, but she does know how she feels about those who suggest that it’s a _lie_ to excuse Wanda’s actions.)

But for all of Wanda’s power, each sound she makes is making Bobbi feel _needed_ and that is a kind of intoxicating power all on its own.

It’s why, Bobbi admits, somewhere far in the back of her mind where she will examine later, she can’t stop kissing the woman beneath her.


	3. Femslash February: Jacqueline Falsworth-Crichton/Cassie Lang (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The worst thing about coming back to life is convincing everyone that she's not still a child.

After five years of being dead, Cassie makes it back to her family. Cassie’s been back for five years, and nobody seems to realize that she isn’t 14 anymore.

Sure, she can forgive her father, and truth be told, Cassie understands that she’ll never really be older than five to him. She doesn’t fight him as much as she did (does) her mother, because being the favorite parent who died for a while earns you certain privileges.

But there are other privileges that Cassie is concerned with, ones that have nothing to do with her father. Because the kind of privileges that she’s referring to involve watching Kate get ready to go on dates with whatever Avenger she’s currently dating - Clint? Bobbi? Natasha? Bucky? - and trying not to sulk about the fact that Cassie is 19 years old and nobody that she can actually share her secret identity with is interested in fucking her.

Especially not Kate. Not anymore.

But all things considered, Cassie thinks she hides it pretty well. Kate certainly doesn’t notice, and so, Cassie is sure that nobody else does.

She maintains that belief until she’s on a mission with the team that Cassie is calling the British Avengers in her head, but that would probably be rude to say aloud, so she lets it stay an inside thought.

The little sigh that she gives as Kate leaves the room with Faiza, on the other hand, is not an inside thought.

“Is that sigh for your teammate or mine?” Jacqueline asks.

Cassie leans against the window and glances out of the window onto grounds that are large enough to make even the Bishop family estate look poor in comparison. “Both?” she offers sheepishly. “Sorry. You probably didn’t want to be an audience for my teenage angst.”

“I spent the better part of my youth surrounded in male teenage angst,” Jacqueline reminds her with a soft laugh. “I find yours much less bothersome.”

“I can’t imagine they were angsting for the same reason,” Cassie says. “Somehow I doubt that Bucky and Toro came back from the dead to find out that everyone was determined that they stay virgins.”

Cassie feels horrified the minute she realizes what she’s said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean. I mean, I’m sure Bucky and Toro’s deaths were very traumatic for you. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to - “

Jacqueline lays a hand on her arm. “It’s alright. Their deaths were very traumatizing at the time, but they are alive and well now, and you’d be right in any case. Nobody was determined that they stay virgins throughout their teenage years. I believe that is what we call a bit of a double standard, don’t you?”

The hand on Cassie’s arm squeezes firmly enough that Cassie can feel it through her costume. “Yeah, I think that definitely counts as a double standard,” she manages to say though her tongue keeps tripping over itself. “Though different times were different.”

“Perhaps.” Jacqueline’s hand moves up to brush a lock of hair that really doesn’t need the assistance away from Cassie’s face. “You know, I’m going to live for a long time. Many people are intimated by that. Just as they are intimidated with the sexual needs of a young adult woman who knows what she wants.”

“We could help each other out,” Cassie says, feeling bold or desperate or maybe both. “If you wanted.”

“I would like that very much.” Jacqueline takes Cassie’s hand in her own, and Cassie follows her.


	4. Femslash February: Kate Bishop/Cassie Lang (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassie's back. As far as Kate is concerned, everyone else can go fuck themselves.

Billy’s called three times. Clint’s called _five_ times. America’s called twice, and Mister Lang has called at least once.

But Kate’s ignored each of those calls, and she’s made certain that Cassie’s been too distracted to pay any attention to them either.

Because Kate’s got her girl back, and she’s not going anywhere anytime soon.

The others can wait.


	5. Femslash February: Jessica Drew/Bobbi Morse (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wake-up calls are a little sweeter for Bobbi these days.

When Bobbi had been in S.H.I.E.L.D., she’d almost always been up before the sun had even begun to think about rising. Wake-up calls at four o’clock in the morning had been one of the nastier parts of her job, but Bobbi had taken them in stride at the time, because they had all been part of her not-so-glamorous life as a spy.

Later, when she’d become an Avenger, her schedule had never been as predictable as it had been as a spy, which told anyone who asked exactly how ridiculous an Avenger’s schedule could be.

Bobbi wasn’t a spy these days. She wasn’t an Avenger either.

Well, she didn’t call herself either of these things anymore. But she worked with spies and Avengers, so maybe her denial of belonging to either category was simply a continuing effort to adjust to life back on Earth.

That was Jessica’s opinion, anyway.

But regardless of Bobbi’s current job status, the important fact was that on this particular Thursday morning, when Jessica sunk into the bed next to her, Bobbi was able to open her eyes, note the time, and think that she’d been up at far more ridiculous times than 7 a.m.

And some of those occasions had been for far less important things, Bobbi thought as she offered the first of her welcome home kisses.


	6. Femslash February: Kate Bishop/Jessica Drew (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts out as Kate's second one-night stand.

It’s her second one night stand, is the first thought that Kate has when she wakes up to see Jessica Drew lying next to her.

At least she remembers this one’s name? Though in her defense, Norman is a much better name than Noh-Varr and Jessica is better than all of the above.

“I’m not sure what it says about me that I’m waking up in my ex’s bed with his partner naked at my side,” Jessica begins when she notices that Kate is awake. Of course she’s awake first; she’s the spy.

Kate remembers being very impressed by spy-like exploits the night before.

Hey, one never knows when they might have to go undercover again to save Clint Barton’s ass.

“I’m not sure what it says about me that I keep mocking his car crash of a love life but keep finding myself having crushes or in bed with his exes,” Kate answers right back.

Not that anyone could blame her. If so, they obviously weren’t acquainted with Natasha Romanova or Bobbi Morse.

Or they had terrible taste.

Jessica raises up on her elbow. “Well, at least we had the good taste not to invite him.”

“Which means he’s moping on the couch, probably. Or shooting things.”

“What do you say we leave him here to mope while we go out for breakfast?”

Noh-varr hadn’t offered her breakfast, Kate thinks to herself. He’d just done a silly - yet beautiful - alien dance to music her parents listened to.

Food and naked spies has to trump that, Kate’s pretty sure.

“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea,” Kate tells her.

As Jessica slips out of the bed and begins looking around for the clothing they’d discarded, she contemplates that this might not be a one night stand after all.

Maybe a two night stand. At least.


	7. Femslash February: Darcy Lewis/Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanoff (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking over the world quietly and efficiently.

Darcy still wasn’t sure why they needed her. Certainly, she was the best candidate to quietly slip the poison unnoticed into Thor’s drink. Later, when the battle for control of S.H.I.E.L.D. had been won, she was certainly able to use her influence on a grieving and unknowing Jane to convince her that working with Pepper and Natasha would be a much smarter idea than working against them.

But given a small amount of time, Pepper could have earned Thor’s trust just as much as Darcy had. And given time alone with Natasha’s interrogation methods, Darcy was pretty sure that Jane would have come around.

“Your skill with a weapon is sloppy, and you startle far too easily,” Natasha told her, without Darcy needing to ask.

“But we wanted you regardless,” Pepper interrupted, because Pepper was the only one who could interrupt Natasha Romanoff and live to tell about it.

At least she used to be, though Darcy supposed she was in the same category these days. She’d get around to testing that theory, sooner or later.

But in the meantime, she was going to be content with the knowledge that the two women who had quietly taken over the world had included her not because they needed her, but because they wanted her.

If Darcy had any reason to have a conscience, that thought alone would have silenced it.


	8. Femslash February: Sharon Carter/Leila Taylor (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, Sharon needs someone who knows she won't break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Contains references to bondage and handcuffs.

Steve would never, Sharon thinks as Leila fastens the handcuffs to the bed.

It feels like a betrayal, to think of an ex-lover when her current one is straddling her naked. But it’s not; it’s the simple truth, because Steve, who always tries so hard to adjust to this time period, sometimes can’t help but treat her too nice.

Sharon remembers when she’d thought that to be a good thing, but these days, it feels too much like suffocation. These days, when all she has is a mission that she’s not even sure she believes in, Sharon needs someone who won’t treat her like she’ll break.

“Too tight, sugar?” Leila asks.

“No,” Sharon answers, and the quick tap to her hip with tip of the riding crop reminds Sharon to add, “No, Ma’am.”

“Good girl,” Leila praises, and all thoughts of Steve are instantly gone from Sharon’s mind as she spends the rest of the night trying to earn that praise again.


	9. Femslash February: Sharon Carter/Bernie Rosenthal (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie's never met Steve Rogers, but she is fucking Captain America.

The thing is, Bernie is supposed to know better. She’s worked hard for that stupid law degree, suffered through some terrible bowls of Ramen to get there, and despite that, the jerkoff two desks down from hers already likes to imply that she doesn’t know what she is doing.

The last thing that Bernie needs to be doing right now, in other words, is indulging her superhero fetish. The last thing she needs to be doing is giving anyone any reason to suspect that she isn’t completely and utterly devoted to her job because she’s never going to become a partner if they find out that she’s fucking Captain America.

Superhero that she might be, she’s still a vigilante and that would raise all sorts of objectivity questions for Bernie.

But right now, there is a white body suit, red boots and gloves, and a blue belt strung haphazardly across the floor of Bernie’s apartment, and she cannot actually find it in her to ask Sharon to stop.

“I ruin everyone,” Sharon teases, and there’s laugher on her tongue as it brushes across Bernie’s skin. “Look at Rachel. Such a nice, respectable CI she used to be. Now I’ve got her running around in tights. Her former parole officer is scandalized.”

Bernie isn’t entirely sure that Wilson’s scandalized because Diamondback’s running around in tights, but either way, she doesn’t really want to talk about Sharon’s other partners right now.

Captain America’s time is precious, after all, and for now, Bernie wants to take up every minute of it.


	10. Hurt/Comfort Meme: Arkady/Leo and Bucky/Steve (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prison A/U.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: ableist language, unhealthy dub-con power dynamics between prisoners and guards, and sex shaming.

Arkady will always maintain that Logan deserved that punch.

Barnes apparently thinks otherwise. Figures. Barnes has always been a little sweet on Logan, if anyone wants to ask Arkady.

(Nobody does.)

“Knock it off,” Barnes grumbles to him, and Barnes really is too big, crazy, and ridiculous to fight, and a certain blond guard will not be very happy if Arkady tries. So he just glares at Barnes some more.

“He pouts pretty. Think Leo’s missing that in the box?” Arkady didn’t like Raymond either, or his stupid firefly tattoos.

“I don’t pout as pretty as your tattoos look, firebug. Least that’s the rumor on the yard. Just how many people do you show those off to anyway?,” Arkady snaps, right before he feels Barnes’ arm digging into his throat.

Raymond looks like he wants to start something too, but there’s a hierarchy here, and Raymond and Arkady are both below Barnes, so they’re both fucked on the wishes front.

“Goddamn it, Toro, shut the hell up. I am trying to deal with one jackass. Why don’t you go do something useful like keep Logan occupied?” Barnes snaps.

When they’re alone, Barnes lets him go, but the scowl doesn’t go anywhere. “You’re lucky Rogers is on duty today and that he trusts me to take care of things, or you would have gotten tossed in solitary, too. You know the prison doesn’t allow fighting.”

Of course he knew it. Hell, that was why Leo was in there to begin with. He’d lost his mind and thrown a punch at both Warden Romanova and that useless Sitwell.

Arkady thinks it had been a beautiful, beautiful display of power being put in the right hands. The people in charge disagree.

“I don’t know how you could stoop so low as to fuck a guard,” Arkady mutters.

Fortunately, Barnes is in a good mood, probably because of the rumored morning blow job he’d gotten from the guard in question. “I don’t know how you fuck a sociopath. But I don’t want to hear him bitching when he gets out, so come play cards with me so you can stay distracted.”

Distracted. Like it was that easy. But Barnes will not let this go, because he is annoying that way.

“We’ll play. For the stash of vodka I had smuggled in last week,” Arkady suggests.

“I fucking hate vodka,” Barnes tells him. “Find something better.”

Arkady is not going to make it another two weeks without Leo before he does something worse than punching Logan. He is certain of it.


	11. Hurt/Comfort Meme: Clint Barton/Bobbi Morse (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're no good for each other, but they love each other too much to stop.

She’s supposed to be leaving - again. In fact, fifteen minutes ago, there was a suitcase on their bed, in the middle of being filled.

The suitcase has been shoved to the floor in the middle of everything, and the clothes are scattered in a messy heap from the bed to the dresser.

Bobbi’s lying naked next to Clint, letting his calloused fingers roam possessively over her hip.

“Sorry I couldn’t just let you go, Birdie. I know I promised I would. Promised I’d be an adult this time.”

Neither of them have behaved very adult lately. Especially not today.

But the pleasant hum of satisfied hormones and the feel of Clint’s hand on her hip make it impossible for Bobbi to give a damn.

“That’s impossible for us, Sport. It’s why we keep ending back here.”

It’s a reminder that neither of them need, but whether she means the leaving or the staying, she doesn’t clarify.

He doesn’t ask.


	12. Hurt/Comfort Meme: Clint Barton/Kate Bishop (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She saves him, but she can't save his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: graphic violence

“It’s family stuff. Let me handle it, okay?”

Such a stupid, stupid request, and really, why had Kate listened? She already understood at this point that Clint Barton was simply unable to take care of himself. Lucky was actually a perfect metaphor for who he was - a ridiculous stray puppy who needed someone to take care of him and make sure he was fed.

Okay, never mind that he’d saved the world several times without Kate’s help. That wasn’t the point.

The point was that Clint was currently a mess, Kate should have realized that and she was angry at him for using that trust between them - she had trusted him dammit as a way to push her away so that he could go off and do this stupid, stupid thing.

There was so much blood. He couldn’t even possibly still be alive. A memory of Cassie pushed at the background of Kate’s mind, but she ignored it.

“Isn’t this cute?” Barney - the “family stuff” in question - mocked lightly. “The new girlfriend coming to rescue his pathetic ass.”

“The part you should focus on is me shoving arrows into your pathetic ass,” Kate answered.

Girlfriend. Well, they weren’t quite there, were they? And wow, it wasn’t fair that the villain of the story got to try out the words before she did. Not fair at all.

“Either way, you’re a little young, aren’t you? Looks like dear old brother’s turned out to be a pedophile. Maybe I did the world a favor by taking him out of it.”

The scream that Barney gave when her arrows hit him was far more comforting than it should have been. Captain America would not have approved at all.

He probably wouldn’t have approved of the arrows through the eyes and knees, either, but screw it, he wasn’t here.

She dropped to her knees next to Clint and rolled him over to survey the damage. “Jerk, you had better be alive, because I have at least three months of punching you in the face to do for you running off to take care of this without me.”

A low groan was his first reply, and somewhere deep inside her, a relieved sob wanted to to surface. But it didn’t, because she was pretty sure that Avengers weren’t allowed to cry on missions.

“Barney - he okay?” Clint asked.

“If it was Susan, what would you have done?” Kate retorted. “I’m blaming the blood loss for your stupidity in asking that question.”

A soft laugh. “You’re supposed to be nice to me when I’ve been shot this many times, girly.”

“Bullshit.” She stroked his hair back lightly and worked to stop the bleeding in areas where she could. “S.H.I.E.L.D.’s on their way. When you stop bleeding all over the place, I might be nice to you again.”

“Mmm, slightly ouchy comfort sex to follow?”

“Maybe.”

“Then mission was totally worth it.”

Kate could hear the footsteps of the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents coming down the stairs, but she figured she had time to give Clint a quick kiss on the forehead before anyone would notice.

She was off by about two seconds, but really, that was not high on her list of priorities to care about at the moment.


	13. Hurt/Comfort Meme: Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's fortunate that Sam doesn't need someone to cook for him, because otherwise he'd have to dump Bucky.

Bucky prides himself on being able to cook eggs, because Sam finds them a much more appropriate start to the day than the carb-loaded nonsense that Bucky likes to stuff himself with. So on the mornings that Steve, Fury or Toro do not have Bucky running half-way around the world, Sam finds himself choking down something yellow, fried, and doused with enough bacon grease that it could almost resemble an egg.

But not really.

Sam usually rinses it down with enough coffee to wipe the aftertaste away, and misses Steve’s eggs. But since it’s the only part of his former relationship that Sam prefers over Bucky, Sam keeps it to himself and takes the breakfast as the gesture of affection that it is supposed to be.

Army men and men from the forties - Sam’s been dealing with them and their inability to spit out the obvious for a while now.

So the eggs he can let go. It’s not even a problem.

But when he walks into his kitchen and finds Bucky surrounded by bits of chocolate, flour, and sugar, Sam can’t quite let that go.

“It looks like Winter Soldier went after the Easter Bunny,” Sam tells him.

“Wrong holiday.” It’s a bitter complaint, and really, far more bitter sounding than anything regarding some spilled flour should.

“Ah. In that case, Cupid is an agent of Hydra, anyway.”

That earns him a smirk and the right to lick a wayward streak of chocolate off of Bucky’s forehead.

“I think we should make the kitchen dirtier before we clean it up,” Bucky suggests.

“I like it when you have good ideas.”

“All of my ideas are good ones!”

Sam silences him with a kiss.


	14. Hurt/Comfort Meme: Sharon Carter/Sam Wilson (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having an unrequited crush on your best friend sucks.

“He didn’t even call her,” Sharon reiterates over lunch.

“You are going to start on this again, aren’t you?” Sam asks, and he goes for long-suffering, but Sam’s pretty sure that he misses that target by a long shot and hits vaguely amused instead.

His targets are never right around Carter these days. Barton would never let him live it down. Hell, Sharon will never let him live it down, if the universe decides that it hates Sam more than it already does and lets her figure it out.

But for such a talented spy, that’s the one thing sailing right over her head.

Sam wonders what deity he has to make prayers to in order to make that continue to be the case. He hopes it’s not the hammer guy, because Sam’s seen how he eats and Sam doesn’t want to pray to any deity that gluttonous.

Sharon sends him a death glare over her hamburger. “You’re the one who mentioned him,” she points out. “You cannot mention the douchebag who broke my aunt’s heart and then didn’t even have the courtesy to call when he came back to life and not expect me to bitch, Wilson.”

“He seems like a nice guy,” Sam begins, because if the total of two sparring sessions that he’s had with Rogers is any indication, it’s the truth. “He likes ridiculous-sized burgers, too, you know. The two of you could bond or something over your terrible taste in food.”

“Like you can talk. After that mission, I don’t know how you can eat something as lacking in substance as - what are you even eating? A salad?”

“It was a burrito.”

“Your burrito overdosed on lettuce. Your burrito has a lettuce problem.”

“That makes my burrito right at home in this conversation, I’m pretty sure.”

“It makes your burrito right at home in a conversation where you defend Rogers,” Sharon scoffs.

“I’m not defending him… exactly. I’m just saying that even defrosted World War II heroes can get PTSD, and we know about that, right, partner?” At Sharon’s scowl - because he is turning more and more hopeless ever day, Sam gives a small shrug. “And he didn’t mock my burrito’s lettuce addiction, so that’s in his favor.”

“Better watch it, Wilson. He’s playing the sympathy card and buying you food.” Sharon shakes her head. “Before you know it, you’ll be as head over heels with him as poor Aunt Peggy was.”

Sam looks across the table, at Sharon smiling at him while she licks a stray bit of ketchup off her fingers, and momentarily wishes that could even be a remote possibility. “Doubt it, Carter.”


	15. Hurt/Comfort Meme: Scott Lang and Clint Barton and implied Kate/Clint (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott hasn't known Kate very long, but he has known Clint for a while, and that's reason enough to worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains references to canonical character death.

Scott and Clint are supposed to be having lunch, but the thing is, Clint’s pretty sure that Scott is judging him. Judging him hard. And that’s weird, because Scott Lang is a pretty forgiving guy, who loves pretty much everybody - with the possible exception of Doom, for obvious reasons.

Okay, so he hates Doom.

The point is, Clint doesn’t think he should be in Doom’s category, but the look that Scott has been giving him all throughout their lunch says that Clint just might be.

“So, I know we haven’t had a chance to catch up or anything, since you came back. Which is too bad, because hey, remember that time at the circus where we - ”

“So, Kate was my daughter’s best friend,” Scott says and Clint cannot and will not feel guilty about Kate, but he’s coming pretty close with that comment.

“Cassie was a great hero,” Clint says, because it’s true. “All she ever wanted to do was make you proud.”

“I know. Kate’s told me this, over the breakfast that we have every Saturday, when the world isn’t falling apart.”

Clint’s mind automatically wonders back to what they had been doing last Saturday, when she’d arrived home after breakfast.

He won’t feel guilty about that, either.

“Okay, this is the Cap speech, right?” He hopes not, because he was able to shut Steve up with some well placed innuendo about Barnes, but Scott, ex-con that he may be, doesn’t have any ex-sidekicks that he used to have sex with.

At least Clint is pretty sure about that, and the thought really does hurt his head. Bobbi’s right, his whole life is a mess.

“I don’t think it is,” Scott says. “Because I think that Cap probably doesn’t remember you having a conversation with him about which female superheroes you’d like to bang. I, on the other hand, do remember that conversation. Clearly.”

Okay, Clint does wince at that, because he remembers it too. “I’m not going to cheat on Kate.”

“Did I say you were going to? No, I didn’t. So why would you assume that? Guilty conscience?”

Clint sighs, because it’s a guilty conscience alright, but it’s not about Kate. But Scott’s already judging him, so there’s no way that he is going to blurt out his car crash of a love life to him to make Scott judge Clint more. “No. Look, if this is a conversation about how I’m not good enough for her, I already know that.”

“Then why are you with her?” Scott asks, because that’s a reasonable adult question.

“I know that I should have resisted every urge I had, but … but she’s perfect and I’m not that strong. And when I’m with her, I feel happier than I’ve been in a long, long time.” Clint scowls down at his potato and gives it a vicious stab with his knife. Most of those unhappy moments were his own doing, he thinks about adding.

“She’s happy too. I can tell that every Saturday when she shows up and complains about having to save your ass,” Scott tells him. “Just - make sure she stays that way. That’s all I’m asking. For Cassie’s sake, and for Kate’s.”

Clint wants to promise that he will, but the truth is, he can’t. He’s made that promise before, about Natasha, about Bobbi, and about Jessica, and look how those all ended up. “Hurting Kate is the last thing I ever want to do,” he says instead, because it’s likely to be far more honest.


	16. Women's History Month: Natasha/Clint (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha cooks and Clint takes a bath. One of these is a frequent thing, and the other is not.

Natasha doesn’t usually do the grocery shopping. Clint _likes_ to do it, and it’s the kind of homey, domestic chore that he and his brother apparently used to treasure with their mother, far away from the unhappy influence of their father. So Natasha does not typically argue with him about that. But when she arrives home after her London-based mission, the refrigerator is nothing more than a breeding ground for mold, and after three weeks away, prepackaged meals are not something that sounds remotely appetizing.

It takes her ten minutes to remove the biohazards from the refrigerator and twenty minutes to walk to the grocery store run by a man who always tells Natasha stories about the “Old Country,” even though he believes she was born and raised in New York. It takes her an additional fifteen minutes to purchase the supplies.

There is no point in lingering, after all. The chances that the world may be invaded or otherwise go to hell is quite high, and she has earned a hot meal.

She makes it back to the apartment an hour and a half before the same trip would have cost Clint, because while she does indulge the store owner (and herself, perhaps) his stories, she does not do so as much as Clint does.

When she returns, the apartment has several telling signs that it is no longer empty. Natasha notices at least three of them before she enters, but the tension in her shoulders relaxes automatically as she recognizes the signs as belonging to Clint.

That’s his scent, lingering in the doorway. Particularly pungent, the way it can’t help but be following a mission, in a way that makes all of the unique scents that she loves to drink in when he is close all the more sharp.

“I thought you weren’t coming home until next week?” she calls as she enters their apartment.

“Change of plans,” Clint calls back from the bathroom.

“Good or bad?”

“Good for me. Bad for the target.”

The most perishable items go into the refrigerator, because the temperature of their apartment is at least ten degrees higher than it had been when she’d left to go to the store.

She places the chicken in the oven to cook and makes her way to the bathroom. Clint’s leaning back in the tub, skin red enough to match her hair.

Explains the change in temperature, too.

“Was it cold in D.C.?” she asks, with as much diplomacy as she has.

“Little bit,” Clint answers, and it’s evasive, but it doesn’t have to be more. Clint hadn’t had a thing against the cold until Loki. He’s told her once that Loki liked to keep the room cold. Natasha understands this, because many of her most unpleasant memories involve the cold, too. If she no longer seeks the comfort of a hot bath to dull them when they become too sharp, it is only because she has had decades to learn better coping methods.

When Clint reaches for her, Natasha is rather happy that he _hasn’t._


	17. Women's History Month: Valkyrie/Kate Bishop/Annabelle Riggs (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-battle sex is great. Post-battle cuddles after sex is even better.

Valkyrie has had discussions, with Sif and with Thor - sometimes during sparring, sometimes during sex, sometimes in activities that have incorporated both. Both have complained about the way that Midgardians’ morality seems so full of shame and inflexibility. Valkyrie has sometimes agreed with them, because while Midgard has its benefits, there is much that they could learn if they would allow themselves to do so.

However, there are two additional naked and content women in her bed at the moment. The beautiful markswoman beside her has shed her purple costume, which now sits in a heap beside their archaeologist’s casual attire. When Valkyrie shifts to better appreciate the view of Annabelle, Kate rolls over and snuggles more tightly against her. The  
combination of a successful battle and willing partners in her bed means that Valkyrie is in no particular mood to agree with her previous complaints.

Well, she could complain about the fact that Misty has not yet arrived home, but unlike Thor and Sif, Valkyrie can be patient.


	18. Women's History Month: Bobbi Morse (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi's experience with the Skrulls changed _everything_.

She used to run to forget. Oh, it was one of many ways to stay in the kind of shape that being a spy demanded, but beyond that it was a way to eliminate the stress that she had built over the day. It had, at one time, been a way to unwind and relax, something that had been an essential part of her life first as a spy and again as an Avenger.

These days, running is still a way to unwind and relax. But she no longer runs to forget. Instead of blocking out the events of the day, she focuses on them. Instead of trying to ignore those around her, she revels in their presence. Her run serves as a reminder that she is home and she only has to run when she wants to.


	19. Women's History Month: Pepper Potts/Betty Ross (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the events of Iron Man 3, Pepper gets a little help from Betty in the moving on department.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made this Movie Verse because all of the maybe/kinda spoilers about Iron Man 3 are making me sad and I need people around to love Pepper if Tony really does do the rumored things at the end of his movie. So here be maybe spoilers? If you're a spoilerphobic kind, don't read this chapter.
> 
> Additional warnings: miscarriage and character death mentioned.

Pepper likes numbers. She always has. That love of numbers is the reason that she had been able to get a job that has been equally frustrating and rewarding. Ultimately, it's the reason that she grew far closer to Tony Stark than she should have, and the reason that she's able to have an armor of her own. 

(She still has that, and Rhodey still has _his_ armor, and if that's all they have these days of Tony, then ... well, it's more than she would have expected to still have of him five years ago.) 

Her love of numbers makes categorizing everything a task that is both natural and fun, so she can tell you that it's been exactly 18 months since the aliens attacked New York. 

It's been exactly six months since the mansion blew up, Happy died, and the baby that might have been was lost. 

It's been nearly five months since Tony's departure for space. 

It's been two months since Bruce Banner called, asking if Betty could stay at the Tower for a while while he continued his research elsewhere. 

_"Just until she adjusts."_

It's been one month since Betty decided that she had "adjusted" just fine and asked Pepper if she wasn't tired of moping around an otherwise empty Tower. 

A month doesn't seem like that long, but it's apparently long enough to build enough of a partnership that she expects Betty's question before it's even asked. 

"How many bases is this now, Rescue?"

"Three, Red." 

"Not a bad start." 

Pepper glances over at her partner and nods her agreement.


	20. Women's History Month: Kate Bishop/Darcy Lewis (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate's training methods leave Darcy sore. But not _too_ sore.

"Admit it, you were hoping for Natasha, right?" Kate asks. 

And while Darcy thinks Kate is pretty great, Kate's timing absolutely sucks. Lying in the bed next to Kate, with every muscle that Darcy has still screaming from the past week's training session despite Kate's best efforts to orgasm them into a much more blissful place, Darcy's brain is not operating at its best capacity. 

She cracks open an eye and looks at Kate wearily. "I solemnly swear I was not planning on sleeping with Natasha Romanoff." 

Kate laughs, with an ease that reminds Darcy that _Kate_ is not nearly as sore as Darcy is. "Too bad. You're not really a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent until you've had an unrequited crush on Agent Romanoff." 

"I don't do unrequited," Darcy answers breezily. "I like to skip past that and hit requited friends with benefits instead." 

"A good kink to have." Kate leans over and kisses a shoulder that is sore _solely_ because of Kate's brutal training methods (and by brutal, Darcy mostly means incredibly demanding and ridiculously harsh in a really hot kind of way.) 

"It's worked well for me so far, Agent Bishop." 

"But as nice as it is to review your kinks, you kind of missed my point." Darcy just waits for Kate to continue, because she is far too exhaused to do othewise. "I mostly meant that you were probably hoping for Natasha as your trainer. Instead of someone who is still kind of a rookie."

"If you were still 'kind of a rookie,' S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't let you train me," Darcy points out. "Also, Coulson wouldn't have introduced you as 'someone who is absolutely Barton's equal.'" 

The little bit of red on Kate's cheeks can't be a blush, because _Kate Bishop doesn't blush_ , but it's an impressive impersonation of one. "Who knew Phil was a softie underneath it all?" 

"Pretty sure everyone figures that out. Eventually. Except for the bad guys, of course." 

"Mmhmm. Hard to figure things out when you're dead." 

"And my harsh mistress has returned. Good to know." 

"Mistress, huh?" Kate stretches lazily beside Darcy and offers, "That's an interesting kink we could explore later." 

"Maybe." When she's not so sore that her _eyelids_ hurt. "In the meantime, you'll have to be content with my casual sleeping-with-my-teacher-slash-boss-kinda kink." 

"Another good kink to have, and certainly one I can't throw any stones about," Kate tells her. 

A small portion of Darcy's brain tells her that this is absolutely proof that Kate and Clint had a little something going on, but before she can fully pursue that path, Kate's lips are on hers, and Darcy's body reminds her that she's not all that sore after all.


	21. Woman's History Month: Steve/Sharon + Rhodey/Pepper (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the break-up with Pepper, Tony thinks that Steve is the rebound guy. That's _really_ not the case, because Steve has other plans.

Sharon rolled her eyes when she caught a glance of Steve’s phone as she leaned over and stole a fry from his plate. “Is he texting you _again_?”

“Third time tonight,” Steve said with a sigh.

“Ew. Is it drunk texting?” Pepper asked. From her spot in the booth across from Sharon and Steve, Pepper turned to share a look with her date. “Do you remember - “

“How he would do that all the time when we first started dating?” Rhodey finished for her. “Oh, yes, I remember. It was pretty sad then, too.”

“But you actually dated him,” Steve reminded them. “All I did was watch bad movies and drink bad alcohol with him.”

“You’re the rebound guy,” Rhodey answered. “This is Winter 1988 all over again. Except with texts instead of phone calls. Dammit, Tony.”

“He thinks you’re dating?” Sharon exclaimed. Her laughter could possibly be heard all the way in London, but she couldn’t help herself. “Good lord, no wonder he keeps sending me such nasty little glares when I come to visit you and Nat at the Tower. He thinks I’m stealing his man. I need to text Aunt Peggy about this.”

“I am not the rebound guy,” Steve protested. “Those were team bonding nights! Not date nights! I only went to them so that we could move past the wanting to kill each other stage. Sharon, make sure you tell Peggy that. I don’t want her thinking that I’m leading some man on while I’m trying to date her niece properly.”

Sharon laughed and stole another fry. “She’ll just tell me what she always tells me. That shooting ‘Howard’s son’ would be ‘inappropriate.’”

“Yeah, that would kind of ruin our double dates,” Rhodey agreed.

Pepper laughed and leaned across the table to squeeze Steve’s hand. “Well, apparently he’s moved on from wanting to kill you, so that’s the good news … “

“Yes, but if the 30 texts he’s sent me in the last half hour are any indication, I liked it a lot better when he was still wanting to kill me.”

“Don’t worry,” Rhodey promised. “I’m sure if he gets drunk enough, he’ll end up back at wanting to kill you. You should probably get a text about that … oh, within about two hours, actually.”

Steve rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone without bothering to read the 31st message.


	22. A/U Meme: Bucky/Clint/Natasha (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint/Natasha/Bucky, 1920s.

They all served in the Great War in some capacity. It would be romantic to claim that they met there, and some versions of Bucky’s novels depict such, but the Iowa farmboy and the Army brat are not stationed together, and Natasha’s purpose is taken from her before they even arrive.

In fact, when Natasha exits the war, she meets a different American entirely. He marries her, takes her back home, and loving him promptly becomes more restrictive than the homeland she’d been trying to escape.

By the time that James and Clint make their way home, she has divorced Matt. By the time that James finds her, he has thrown away six fully written novels and is desperately looking for any job that will employ an ex-soldier missing an arm. By the time that Clint makes his way to her, James has been pouring the drinks she isn’t supposed to serve for a year and Clint is even more lost than James had been. It draws less attention if Clint shows the patrons out of their place than it does if Natasha shoots them, so she offers him the job of being the muscle.

When James completes and trashes his seventh novel without it seeing publication, Clint asks him why he doesn’t just man up and send them in to a publisher.

“Because the happy endings they publish don’t involve former soldiers turned criminals,” James tells him.

“It’s too bad,” Natasha retorts. “It’s a far better happy ending than most of the garbage they publish these days.”

“It’s the only happy ending I’d ever want,” Clint says, a little too earnestly for his surroundings. But he is the youngest, so Bucky and Natasha allow Clint his sentiment with an indulgence that they would never permit each other.


	23. A/U Meme: Clint (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint as a mobster, still making bad life choices.

This is beyond looking bad. This really _is_ bad. It’s bad because Stark never calls a “private” meeting to discuss “business” with anyone who doesn’t end up permanently missing. Rhodes and Potts are very efficient in their efforts and the bodies are never found. And while Clint really would like to know where they buried Hammer’s body, he doesn’t want to find out this way.

But he isn’t a coward, and besides, the death would only be more painful if he tried to hide, so he goes when summoned.

“You’ve been one of my best for a while now, Clint,” Stark tells him when Clint shows up. “I know you’re dedicated to the family. Don’t fuck that up by getting cozy with the cops.”

“I ain’t a snitch,” Clint says indignantly, and he sees the corner of Rhodes’ mouth turn up, and wow, that has never been a good sign for anybody.

“If we thought you were _talking_ to the cops, we wouldn’t even bother with this conversation,” Stark tells him. “It’s the _screwing_ the cops that has got to stop.”

“It’s just the _one_ cop,” Clint points out, because it’s an important point. “But I’ll stop.”

He doesn’t.


	24. A/U Meme: Howard/Steve (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve Rogers and Howard Stark in the Old West.

It’s not the first time that Steve has ever faced temptaton. If you stopped by after church and asked the good Reverend, he’d be happy to tell you that temptation is a tool that the devil uses on all men, and that only with the grace of god are they able to turn away from it and resume their journey on the straight and narrow path to salvation.

It’s a good speech, one that the people in the little miner’s town need to hear on Sunday morning, after they’ve spent all of the previous night blowing what precious little money they have at Howard Stark’s saloon.

There’s certainly some truth to the speech. Steve could easily give a long list of names of people who have tempted him onto a path he swore to give up when he devoted his life to god. There’s a reason he left Margaret and Bucky back home, after all - he thought it would be easier to be good without them around.

But Steve soon finds that it is just as easy to sin on his knees in the tiny office of the tiny church he calls home as it ever was back in New York.

“This is a far better use of your mouth than those ridiclous sermons ever were,” Howard tells him when Steve is in the middle of that realization.


	25. Trope Meme: Jessica Drew/Bobbi Morse (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessica and Bobbi are forced to share a bed.

“There are worse S.H.I.E.L.D. agents I’ve had to do this with,” Bobbi murmurs into Jessica’s neck.

“There are worse agents that you’ve had casual mission sex with?” Jessica asks and her smile is devious as she tilts her head to give Bobbi better access. “Unless you’re going to start telling me horror stories about O’Grady, I bet I can top it.”

“I was was actually talking about sharing a bed with,” Bobbi assures her. “Pretty sure I missed all of O’Grady’s active years. Or I never noticed him, one of the two.”

“Then I can definitely beat you - whichever conversation we end up having.”

Competition has always made the sex better, and Bobbi is sure that won’t change this time around.


	26. Trope Meme: Natasha/Yelena 1920s A/U (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha/Yelena in the 1920s.

There are a number of things they aren’t supposed to do, based on nothing less arbitrary than their genders. They aren’t supposed to smoke, or to wear such bright lipstick, or to have such high skirts.

Natasha prefers the pants, herself, which are not technically as scandalous, but still draw the same lines across the brows of the same people who have problems with Yelena’s skirt length.

They aren’t supposed to drink either, but nobody is supposed to be doing that. Natasha and Yelena know that the same people who make such a fuss about their other choices certainly welcome the alcohol that Yelena brews and Natasha sells.

But tonight, they have business in one of the little hidden places in the city where judging is no longer an issue. Rogers is as friendly as ever when he buys their offerings, and the crowd is apppreciative enough of the taste to ensure that he will buy from them again.

“You are happy are you not?” Natasha whispers into Yelena’s ear. “Our new homeland is not disappointing you quite so much tonight, is she?”

Yelena leans back onto the bar and watches the couples dance. “America never disappoints me as much when we get paid,” she says finally. “But perhaps it is not America who needs to worry about that right now.”

Natasha smiles and leans forward, taking advantage of the shortness of Yelena’s skirt.


	27. Trope Meme: Clint/Kate, Handcuffed Together (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Kate are handcuffed together. Fortunately, one of them paid attention to Natasha's lessons.

Clint wants to apologize, because contrary to what some of his previous actions would have anyone believe, Clint knows that being tied up together against their will must be causing Kate all sorts of trauma. He knows that because he knows how long it had taken her to be able to work up to including handcuffs in their bedroom at all, and he knows that because he hadn’t been there for Bobbi when he should have been, but thanks to a second chance that hadn’t worked out after all, he had been there for nightmares that came later.

He wants to apologize, but he knows she’s never wanted pity, and that’s going to be something he will honor, because he gets that. He’s a Hawkeye, too.

“I’m sorry for not paying better attention to any of those spies I dated or married about how to get out of these,” he tells her instead, and hopes that she’s put up with enough of his shit that she understands what he’s trying to say.

“You should be,” Kate tells him, “but fortunately, I paid more attention to Natasha’s lessons than you did.”

He doesn’t have time to ask what that means before he feels the cuffs come undone.

Later, he’ll wonder when those lessons took place, and if they had been a condition of Kate feeling comfortable enough to bring the handcuffs into their bedroom. But for now, there are bad guys to beat.


	28. Bad Romance Novel Tropes: Clint/Natasha (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad romance plot loosely taken from “A Man I Used to Know” by Margot Dalton. Clint is a rodeo star, Natasha knows better, and Fury does not have time for this shit.

Natasha’s never met the woman that Francis called mother, and the eleven year old didn’t seem very keen on talking about her. It’s a trait he comes by honestly. Getting his father to talk about the child’s grandparents had never been an easy task, either.

Maybe if she’d tried harder, some of the wounds would have healed better. Maybe Clint had needed that extra dose of salt before the healing could take place. Maybe he could have come home and helped her with the farm and the debt that she owed, instead of constantly being driven by a debt of another kind.

But she hadn’t, and he hadn’t, and the biggest reminder of both of their failings was the blond-haired child with eyes that didn’t belong to Clint staying at Natasha’s farm.

“He’s as good as his father is with horses,” Fury tells her, completely unnecessarily. Francis glances up from across the farm, and Natasha notes that he’s as good at knowing when people are talking about him as his father was.

But Clint had relished it; hadn’t that been why he’d been a rodeo star in the first place?

“That much is obvious, Nick,” Natasha answers back to the man who had taught both Clint and Natasha how to handle a horse, all those years ago. She tears her eyes away from the child and examines the wounded old cowboy she’s watching over until Coulson gets back from his current tour of duty. She wonders if Barton ever looks at Fury and sees the wounds that he’s going to have in a few years, if he keeps it up. She looks at Fury and wonders if the possibilities of what might happen to each other keep up Fury or Coulson more often.

She wonders if it’s natural to look at Fury and Coulson and miss the days that she rode alongside Clint so much that she can taste it.

She tries not to think about the way Clint’s skin had felt beneath her fingers, as she’d patched up the most recent of his battle scars.

“Well, you and Barton never cared much for stating the obvious, did you, Natalia?” Fury asks. “Turning away from it and ignoring it was always your preferred path, wasn’t it?”

Her eyes narrow and she turns away from him. “I hope Coulson gets back soon to collect you. You’ve starting to wear out your welcome, Nick.”

“Figure I’ll be around for a while, yet. Hopefully not long enough to watch you and Barton repeat the same old mistakes.”

There’s a denial in her throat, and a reminder about how different things are now, but she catches sight of Clint pulling up her drive in his battered old truck, and the words die in her throat.


	29. Bad Romance Novel Trope Meme: Bucky/Steve (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad romance plot somewhat borrowed from “Temporary Wife,” by Joan Kilby. Bucky is Food Network's best rising star and Steve is his director.

“So, supposedly, you hate me.” It’s the first thing that Bucky says when Steve walks into Bucky’s dressing room, and as far as Bucky greetings go, Steve has had far, far worse.

(And far better, but that’s hardly something to think about when your star is ten minutes late and the rest of the crew just wants to go home home already.)

“I would think you’d know better by now, Buck,” Steve answers, and doesn’t quite manage not to roll his eyes when Bucky waves his iPhone at Steve.

“It’s all over Twitter. You think I’m a spoiled brat who can’t make so much as a sandwich in the kitchen and has no business being on Food Network.” Bucky glances down at the phone in his hand long enough to read what is supposed to be a quote from Steve. “‘It’s bad enough when they had Guy in his stupid red convertible running around interviewing restaurant owners. At least he was old enough to drive!”

“Oh, come on. I’d never say that. I absolutely know that you’re old enough to drive,” Steve reminds him. Not that the public would particularly care about that little detail, because Steve is well aware of how it looks.

His star is a 17-year-old pop star with the kind of charming good looks that give their otherwise stale network an opportunity to reach a new demographic. Steve is the older vet who worked his way through a major case of PTSD by changing careers entirely.

Steve wonders, if the public knew, if they would blame the war for this. For the fact that Bucky is putting the iPhone down, walking over to Steve and pushing Steve firmly into the next available open chair. Would they judge him or pity him for the thrill he gets the minute that Bucky gets down on his knees?

If the public ever knew, would Steve be able to give a damn about their opinions, anyway?

“I’ve been driving since I was 14,” Bucky says, and Steve doesn’t have time to wonder if it is the innuendo that is sounds like before Bucky is pulling down his zipper with practice and ease. He’s going to mess up his make-up, and Steve is a terrible director because he doesn’t make his star stop. “And I don’t think you’re thinking too much about sandwiches right now, are you?”

“No.”

Bucky laughs and licks his lips like the horny teenager that he is. “Too bad. That’d be an interesting conversation to have.”

Then Bucky’s mouth is on Steve, and Steve is torn between thinking about sandwiches, whether he locked the door, and how he is going to explain how their ten minutes suddenly turned into forty.


	30. Bad Romance Novel Trope Meme: Eli/Bucky (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad romance plot stolen from “Temporary Wife,” by Joan Kilby. Eli could marry Bucky. He just has to get Barnes to agree to it.

Eli would really like to blame this entire mess on Kate. It was Kate who first put the seed of fooolishness into his head in the first place. Whether Eli meant the idea of an actual relationship with Barnes (which might have been possible, under entirely different circumstances) or the idea of a marriage (which would have been possible if Barnes was the marrying type, which he most definitely was not.) But either way, both suggestions had been planted firmly into Eli’s head by Kate, and he would have loved to have blamed her for the nonsense that came out of his mouth.

But in truth, it was his grandmother and grandfather that he was thinking of, and how hard they’d worked to put him through film school without ever doubting his choices. He thought of his uncle, who had shown up at Eli’s graduation, even though he’d thought that Eli’s life goals were “ridiculous.”

And mostly, he thought about the fact that Barnes’ handsome face was the ticket to achieving all of those life goals.

It was probably better than blaming Kate. It was probably also better than acknowledging the fact that Eli had fallen head over heels for the star of his own cooking show, which was the kind of fool-hardy, unprofessional sentiment that Eli hadn’t shared with Kate since they’d been freshmen in film school together.

But whoever was to blame, ultimately, Eli’s suggestion to Barnes’ immigration problems was this:

“We could just get married.”

“… Just get married?”

“Well, not just. But kind of just. I mean, it wouldn’t have to mean anything. Just a marriage of convenience. So that the government doesn’t rip you away right before we start shooting.”

“That’d be a shame.” There was a long, awkward silence then, and Eli wondered if maybe Barnes was considering a sexual harassment lawsuit. That’d be something, wouldn’t it? His poor grandparents would die of shame. His grandfather’s heart would never be able to take it.

“Look, I didn’t mean to make things awkward - ”

“Awkward?” Barnes laughed and shook his head. “This is officially the first time that anybody’s ever offered to marry me to keep me around. I’m not sure awkward’s the right word. Flattering might be a better word for it.”

Barnes gave him the kind of small, barely there grin that didn’t belong on any grown man’s face, the very one that made him so popular with the public when he casually threw it out over moderately well-prepared pasta.

Unfortunately, at the moment, all that grin could do to Eli was make him wonder just how many broken hearts Bucky had left back in America. It had to be a number in the hundreds, if the way that Eli’s own heart was reacting to The Patented Barnes Grin.

That reaction, sadly, wasn’t something he could blame anyone for but himself.


	31. Kissing Meme: Maria Hill/Pepper Potts (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria doesn't understand dresses, but she does understand that Pepper looks good in them.

"Does the dress look okay?" Pepper asks, and Maria takes a moment to wonder how this has become her life.

It isn’t that she’s a tomboy. She isn’t. She doesn’t prioritize traditionally male clothes or activities over female ones (saving the world, shooting guns, and kicking ass are not traditionally male actities and Maria will hurt anyone who claims otherwise).

But she doesn’t particularly have time for traditionally feminine activities either. She may never have wanted to play football, but she never understood the urge to dress up to go to Prom, either. There was only one real reason to go to Prom, in Maria’s view, and she and Lacey Jordan had taken care of that in the back seat of Lacey’s father’s truck for a hell of a lot cheaper than it took to go to Prom.

So several years after Maria had failed to understand the point of Prom, she stands next to her girlfriend and watches Pepper fuss over a dress that probably cost a small fortune - it is a Van Dyne original, Pepper tells her, and Maria works with enough women who care more about dresses than she does that she absolutely knows how expensive that means that dress is.

There are things Maria thinks are better uses of that kind of money.

"You look great," Maria assures her.

Pepper grins at Maria and gives one last critical look to her reflection in the mirror. “You sure? Maybe I should go with the purple one."

"The purple one doesn’t show off your arm muscles or shoulders quite as well," Maria answers back. She kisses one of Pepper’s exposed shoulders for emphasis of her point.

It is, after all, the only part of the dress that Maria truly understands.


	32. Kissing Meme: Steve/Sam/Sharon (plus Ian, 616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian's family loves each other.

Ian still has nightmares about their time in the other dimension, and Steve is still the only one who can get him back to sleep afterwards. Steve’s not sure why; Sam is better with children and Sharon’s had her share of nightmares, too. But for whatever reason, in the middle of the night, Steve wakes up from his comfortable spot between his lovers and makes his way down the hall to comfort his son.

By the time Ian has fallen back to sleep and Steve makes his way back to the room he shares with Sam and Sharon, Sharon’s rolled over into his spot, and Sam’s arm is thrown possessively around her waist. The child down the hall means they wear more clothes than they used to on nights like this, but there’s still plenty of flesh peeking through Sam’s tight white t-shirt and the borrowed army t-shirt that Sharon’s wearing.

So much flesh that he doesn’t know which part to kiss first. But as he slides back into bed next to Sharon, his favorite spy wakes only long enough to kiss the bicep of the arm he’s sliding around her. Then she snuggles in closer to Sam, and Steve has always enjoyed following her lead, so he does this time as well.


	33. Kissing Meme: Clint/Natasha (MCU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Natasha always take care of each other after a mission.

"The only thing that doesn’t hurt is my elbow," Clint says by way of greeting. This is how Natasha knows that it’s bad, because usually he will give her some nonsense about how he’s just fine, even when all physical appearances speak to the contrary.

When he doesn’t, and instead, heads to the shower, Natasha allows him his moments of solitude to gather himself. But after the shower is over, she waits for him in their bedroom, and she carefully patches him back together, as he has done for her so many times before, and she has done for him an equal amount of times.

Only after there is very little danger of him bleeding all over their purple and black sheets does he collapse somewhat uncomfortably on to the bed. Natasha thinks about kissing him on the lips, but those are swollen and someone’s fist has spent too much time there for a kiss to be comfortable.

So it is his elbow that she kisses instead.

"Until you are feeling well enough to be kissed elsewhere," she promises.

The smile looks like it must hurt every muscle in his face. “Looking forward to the recovery sex is the best part of a mission," Clint says, and Natasha sees no reason to disagree.


	34. Kissing Meme: Bobbi/Natasha/Sharon (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once an Avenger, always an Avenger, and nobody has threesomes like the Avengers do.

"Best Avenger threesome ever," Bobbi declares firmly, because it seems like quite the appropriate reaction to having Natasha’s hands sliding around her waist to undo Bobbi’s skirt, while Sharon’s fingers focus on the buttons of Bobbi’s shirt.

"Not an Avenger," Sharon replies and Bobbi thinks about arguing, but the feel of Sharon’s fingers against her abdomen distracts Bobbi from that particular train of thought.

Sharon’s fingernails are cut short - perfect for the train of thought that Bobbi is currently entertaining instead.

"But you were once, not too long ago," Natasha reminds Sharon. “And once an Avenger, always an Avenger."

Sharon rolls her eyes, and Bobbi mentally lists all of the Avengers she knows who would find that to be a blasphemous response.

"If that’s all it takes, then you two have a lot of work to do to make this the best Avengers threesome I’ve ever been a part of," Sharon retorts. “Because an awful lot of one time Avengers have found their way into the bed I used to share with Steve."

"We can do better," Natasha says crisply, and her breath is warm next to Bobbi’s ear. A kiss follows in the same spot, before Sharon’s fingers are tugging Bobbi’s ponytail out of place.

Oh, yes, Bobbi knows they can do much better and her fingers reach for Sharon’s blouse to begin her offering of proof.


	35. Kissing Meme: Kate/Clint/Bucky (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate's changed for herself, not for anyone else. She's glad the guys have tagged along, though.

It’s hard for Kate to look at Bucky and not think about the woman she used to be.

Well, girl, Kate supposes is the correct term, but when she thinks of the girl version of herself she thinks of cello lessons, not tagging behind the Winter Soldier next to Eli and being horrified at the very idea of killing terrorists.

These days, she doesn’t have time for the cello, and she shoots arrows through people’s eyes. So the man at her side, whose metal hand is resting comfortably on the small of her back, seems an appropriate companion the way her fleeting teenage fantasies about him had never quite imagined.

There was a time that the man on her other side would have been equally horrified at the recent actions of Winter Soldier and Kate. But he’s grown too.

And when Clint’s mouth drops a lazy “Good morning, Hawkeye, wake up and stop thinking so hard," next to the skin an inch above the spot where Bucky’s hand rests, Kate is glad.

Because she has changed, but it hasn’t been for anyone - even if it has made room to incorporate those who did not fit into her life before.


	36. Domestic Fics: Darcy/Clint/Coulson (MCU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, Clint cooks, Phil fusses, and Darcy enjoys the rewards.

Darcy’s high school English teacher used to tell her that she could have accomplished so much more, if only she’d put a little more thought into her projects. Her last college advisor liked to tell her that she really needed to live a little less for the moment and a little more for the future.

Darcy woke up next to the sexy super spy who had once stolen her iPod and thought that it was becoming more and more obvious that neither her high school English teacher nor her major advisor had the first clue. Because Darcy hadn’t planned her first threesome anymore than she had planned on joining S.H.I.E.L.D. in the first place.

Speaking of threesomes …

"So I hear a vague clanging of pots and dog whimpers," Darcy said as she sat up on her elbow and looked down at the eyes that had been watching her for some sort of morning after reaction. "I assume that means he is making us breakfast?"

"You should assume it means he is making a mess," Phil answered and the mini scowl he gave in the general direction of the kitchen was almost cute. A little weird, but also cute. "Probably pancakes. With Barton, if it isn’t cold cereal or pop tarts, it’s usually pancakes."

"Let’s hope he is going for pancakes. Because mutually satisfying orgasms aside, none of you are going to look as good eating pancakes as Thor."

"You think we can’t be cute as Thor, huh?" The idea of Agent Coulson in pajamas was definitely odd, and Darcy was still a little disappointed by the fact that they weren’t actually Captain America themed. The disappointment disappeared a little when he leaned closer and asked, in the same super spy sexy way that had gotten her to agree to the whole threesome idea in the first place, "Is that a challenge, Agent Lewis?"

"One you can probably work on meeting while Barton makes us breakfast in bed," Darcy suggested. Her own super sexy secret agent whisper needed work, but in fairness, the only person who could do it as well as Phil so far was Natasha.

"That sounds like - " There was another clang from the kitchen, and Phil only winced a little " - a great idea, Agent Lewis."

By the time that they were finished, their pancakes were cold. Clint grumbled for only a minute, before the site of two half naked agents standing in his kitchen changed his mind, because Clint, like Darcy, did like living in the moment.

And why argue in the kitchen when you could do much more enjoyable things there?


	37. Domestic Fics: Sharon Carter/Sam Wilson (Marvel 616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's been dead for 11 months. Carter Samuel Rogers is three months old.

Steve’s been dead for eleven months. Carter Samuel Rogers is three months old.

Sam desperately hopes that at some point, either the kid stops looking so much like his dad, or Sharon and Sam learn how to say “no” to the miniature Steve looking back at them. Sam knows he should be able to. He’s dealt with spoiled children before, and he’s judged their parents hard. This one may well develop enhanced super soldier strength, and that reason alone means they can’t afford for him to become spoiled.

It may be too late.

He’s old enough to be placed in the crib for his nap. Sam should be able to go back out to where Carter’s mother is completing her daily battle to get back her pre-baby superagent body. He should be able to get back to the fun task of watching Sharon work up a sweat while the kid gets to sleep on his own.

Sam doesn’t like spoiled children.

But Carter’s little face scrunches up, and even before the tears start, Sam knows it’s a lost battle, because it isn’t just the spot in his heart that loves the kid that’s being tugged on at the moment.

He picks Carter up, walks them both over to the rocking chair, and searches his memory for those lullabies that he can’t quite sing as well as his mama did, but he sings them and rocks the baby anyway. From his chair, he can hear Sharon’s treadmill, and he knows that she would probably like to come into the nursery and mock the fact that he has given in.

If she does, he will just tell her that he hears her get up from the bed and do the same every night.

Lord, he hopes they get better at this.


	38. Domestic Fics: Sam Wilson/Bucky Barnes (Marvel 616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Bucky continue to raise a de-aged Thomas Raymond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to [this fic.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/745195)

"No," Bucky says firmly, and that’s when two-year-old Thomas Raymond decides to start screaming in the middle of the checkout lane at the grocery store.

The thing about this parenting arrangement is that Sam is usually the “bad” parent. There are several reasons for this, among them Bucky’s ongoing trauma at being a brainwashed supervillain for decades, the friendship that Bucky used to share with the adult version of current two-year-old, and Bucky’s complicated relationship with his own parents.

It’s a good thing, on most days, that Sam is a social worker. He needs that training, to deal with both of them. Perhaps because of his training, he recognizes that his boyfriend has a lot of issues (although, admittedly, you don’t need a Master’s degree to recognize that) and if it means that Sam has to be the one to handle the discipline, Sam is usually okay with that.

But on this particular day, it’s not Sam who is in the position of being the mean one. Apparently Thomas is accustomed to one of them being the nice parent. Which is why Thomas turns his little tear-stained face up to Sam as Bucky places the package of diapers and wipes onto the conveyor belt. Thomas even manages a loud, tearful, “Please,” as he points to the tiny Avenger action figure the store oh so thoughtfully placed right next to the candy bars.

They’ve been working so hard on getting Thomas to say “Please.” The whole “s” sound is giving him more trouble than Nazi supervillains ever did.

Bucky meets Sam’s gaze over the top of Thomas’ head, and they silently acknowledge the milestone, because it is an important one. But Sam doesn’t give in, because he does have to agree with Bucky on this: their house does not need an Iron Man action figure.

Thomas cries the entire way to the car.


	39. Miscellaneous : Bucky/Kate (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While in California, Kate runs into the Winter Solider.

_He’s supposed to be dead_ , Kate thinks, but she’s without a partner out her in California, so she’s really glad that that he’s not dead.

 _It’s not really fair that dead people get better apartments than my current living situation_ , Kate thinks, as he opens the door after the mission and she follows him in.

 _He looks even better out of a leather jacket than in one_ , Kate thinks, as his fingers reach for her belt.

"Does Clint know you’re not dead?" Kate asks later, when his fingers are threading through her hair lazily.

"Yeah, he does. Don’t blame him too much for not telling you. It’s supposed to be - "

"Don’t care," Kate cuts him off. "I just wanted to know if I get to brag once I get back home."

Bucky laughs into her shoulder. “In that case, I think we need to give you a few more things to brag about.”

Having agreeable partners is weird and new, but Kate thinks she could get used to it.


	40. Miscellaneous: Kate/Clint (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate has a lip fetish.

It’s the first time that the Young Avengers have been asked to sit at the Big Conference Table with the Regular Old Avengers, and Kate has every intention of paying attention. Her team may have proven themselves multiple times since they’ve formed, but it still constantly feels like they’re under some sort of scrutiny by the Avengers, even when the Old Avengers aren’t under Mother’s influence.

So, basically, she should absolutely be paying attention to what Cap is saying. She’s not Clint; paying attention to Captain America shouldn’t be a chore.

But with Clint sitting across from her, it’s becoming difficult. He has some obsessive inability to sit still (which isn’t new) so he  
keeps squirming around in his seat and tapping his fingers and pens against his lips.

Clint has really nice lips. They’re probably even better than his abs, which is an impressive feat.

And when Clint leans over, steals a piece of chocolate from the big bowl in the middle of the table, unwraps it, and slides it between his lips, and Kate thinks she might need to leave the room.

“Kate, are you okay?” Cap asks, and she can feel Billy’s embarrassment from here.

No, she thinks, I’m not okay, because Clint Barton’s lips are obscene and even you can’t be heterosexual enough to have missed that fact.

“I’m fine,” she promises, and if her voice sounds a little off, there’s only one person in the room who knows what her excited voice sounds like, and if he tells, he is never going to see her excited again.

But his smirk is enough, as he leans back in his chair. “Katie’s just having the typical bored response to listening to you talk, Steve. You think you’d be used to it by now.”

It’s a good save, and Cap seems to buy it. Clint behaves for a couple of minutes, and Kate thinks she might be okay for the rest of the meeting.

But then Clint manages to magically produce a bottle of water. When Clint tips it back to take a sip, Kate fights back a sigh.

It’s going to be a long, long meeting.


	41. Miscellaneous: Kate/Bucky/Clint (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate cuts Bucky's hair.

In fairness, he’s been gone for six weeks, and who thinks of getting a hair cut when they are on a mission for S.H.I.E.L.D. for over a month?

But in equal fairness, their son is in the stage where he wants to wear his hair down to his ass (and never brush it), and Kate is trying to discourage the whole not-grooming thing in their children. Especially since baby Cassie is looking at her big brother a lot these days with the kind of face that says “maybe I can be an unruly, dirty, messy kid too!”

So when Bucky wants to argue that he’s too tired to go get his hair cut proper, and starts going on about how back in the day, he and Steve would just take turns cutting each other’s hair, Kate promptly goes to the kitchen and comes back with a pair of scissors.

“Sit down,” she orders, and as always, Bucky is good at following her orders.

Steve and Cassie sit on the floor, watching in skeptical wonder (between fighting over Dora and Bubble Guppies toys), while their mother cuts their father’s hair.

“When Daddy Clint comes home, are you gonna cut his hair too?” Steve asks, and the six-year-old looks as entertained by that thought as Kate feels.


	42. Miscellaneous Meme: Kate and Bobbi (616)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate and Bobbi train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt of cookies.

Kate has trained before. She’s trained with the highest paid martial artists that the city has offered. She’s even gone a few rounds with sidekicks of super soldiers who can’t decide whether or not they are dead.

But never has training been so thoroughly exhausting as it is with Bobbi Morse.

"Is that super soldier serum, the infinity formula, or just old school Mockingbird that is kicking my ass?" Kate asks the tenth time she hits the mat.

"If you haven’t figured that out," Bobbi says as she helps Kate up, "Then we’re definitely not done yet."

Kate bites back a groan because this is the training she has always craved. It’s the training her entire team has always craved.

Either respect for that decision or pity makes Bobbi offer, “Make you a deal, sport. There’s a world class bakery two blocks from here. They make world class oatmeal cookies dipped in dark chocolate. The first time you are able to knock me down, I’ll buy you one in celebration.”

It takes two more sessions before Kate is able to claim that victory, and the cookie is absolutely the best cookie she has ever had.


End file.
